19 September, 2019 in Am I Dying?, I Work Out, Meh, No Set Topic, Photography
Tagged age, Almond, banana, Bread, burp, change, chicken, choices, clean, coffee, coffee maker, coffee makers, Cucumber, cucumbers, dish, dishwasher, drink, drinking, eat, filter, finish, grilled chicken, grilled chicken caesar, health, height, ibs, KitKat, lettuce, milk, morning, my body, myself, pumpkin, pumpkin pie, shadow, shake, size, smart, so worth it, style, time, Tm2ts, tomatoes, wash, water, web, witch, work
I hate days like this. Days where I’m in limbo on whether I’m pregnant or not.
It makes me think back to when I was pregnant with Ethan and Madi, and remembering how I felt. Even at the worst of it, I felt complete. I loved being pregnant. I actually didn’t mind the labor, because I knew what would come of it. Hell, I even think the pain was worth it.
I would love to have another baby, though I know it would break the bank. I hate feeling like this, feeling like I’m torn in two, knowing another baby isn’t really a smart thing right now, but still wishing I was.
Please, someone, tell me it’s okay. I hate feeling like this. I just absolutely hate it.
ETA: I’m editing this to add that Josh and I are not expecting number 3. What really sucks? He’s totally and completely against number 3 ever occurring. I still fluctuate, so I definitely won’t be getting fixed anytime soon. I just need to find a birth control that works, doesn’t fuck me up, and is less for me to worry about.