Tag Archives: fear

Writing in the Dark

The power went out for about 2 hours last night (between 10pm and midnight), and I utilized my laptop to get over my fear (I hate, hate, hate the dark).

Sitting in the dark is a perfect time for introspection. The dark hides the flaws, while you’re searching for the light. The quiet of the night is only broken by the strange sound of a child honking. Why the child is honking isn’t really the point. It’s a comforting sound for one who’s slightly, if slightly is the right word, of the dark. The quiet begins to get to me, and I can feel my nerves begin to shatter.
The quiet is broken by a crying little boy, the same child who was previously quacking. He got his toy taken away, and was not too thrilled with the idea of the removal. He is comforted by the one who took away the light, and is now quacking happily away again.
There’s a little girl scared of the dark, and her daddy offers her comfort. Her follows her with the light, so that she can go pee. Now he teaches her, even in the dark. He teaches her not to flush when there’s no power, and he teaches her too use a little bit of toilet paper, and not a wad. He’s a good dad, one of the best, I think.
I marvel at the fact that I could type so many words in so little time, yawning as I do so. I’m very tired, and am more than ready for bed, but there’s no way I could sleep, not knowing if the power was on or not. Even though I sleep in the dark, I’m comforted by what little light shows through the windows.
I think I’m also annoyed at the fact that half of the complex has light, and power, and heat, and all that related stuff, and I don’t. I’m annoyed at the fact that my laptop battery is just flying through, even though I don’t really have much running. I’m annoyed at the fact I have no clue what is going on. I just want to know what’s going on.
Little kids use the dark as prime time to color. Why they’re able to do it, the world will never understand. I’m thankful that they’re no longer scared, though. It’s enough to bring a glimpse of a smile to my face.
I can feel my husband looking at me, realizing that tonight is definitely not his night, when it comes to getting laid. Poor guy. He was so hopeful too. Oh well. There’s not much I can do about it now, even if I really wanted to. I cannot do it if it forces my kids to be in the dark and afraid.

Wrote over 400 words in less than 15 minutes. Why can’t I do that during NaNo?

And excuse me while I go and cry after the ASPCA commercial (the one with Sarah McLachlan).

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Writing in the Dark

The power went out for about 2 hours last night (between 10pm and midnight), and I utilized my laptop to get over my fear (I hate, hate, hate the dark).

Sitting in the dark is a perfect time for introspection. The dark hides the flaws, while you’re searching for the light. The quiet of the night is only broken by the strange sound of a child honking. Why the child is honking isn’t really the point. It’s a comforting sound for one who’s slightly, if slightly is the right word, of the dark. The quiet begins to get to me, and I can feel my nerves begin to shatter.
The quiet is broken by a crying little boy, the same child who was previously quacking. He got his toy taken away, and was not too thrilled with the idea of the removal. He is comforted by the one who took away the light, and is now quacking happily away again.
There’s a little girl scared of the dark, and her daddy offers her comfort. Her follows her with the light, so that she can go pee. Now he teaches her, even in the dark. He teaches her not to flush when there’s no power, and he teaches her too use a little bit of toilet paper, and not a wad. He’s a good dad, one of the best, I think.
I marvel at the fact that I could type so many words in so little time, yawning as I do so. I’m very tired, and am more than ready for bed, but there’s no way I could sleep, not knowing if the power was on or not. Even though I sleep in the dark, I’m comforted by what little light shows through the windows.
I think I’m also annoyed at the fact that half of the complex has light, and power, and heat, and all that related stuff, and I don’t. I’m annoyed at the fact that my laptop battery is just flying through, even though I don’t really have much running. I’m annoyed at the fact I have no clue what is going on. I just want to know what’s going on.
Little kids use the dark as prime time to color. Why they’re able to do it, the world will never understand. I’m thankful that they’re no longer scared, though. It’s enough to bring a glimpse of a smile to my face.
I can feel my husband looking at me, realizing that tonight is definitely not his night, when it comes to getting laid. Poor guy. He was so hopeful too. Oh well. There’s not much I can do about it now, even if I really wanted to. I cannot do it if it forces my kids to be in the dark and afraid.

Wrote over 400 words in less than 15 minutes. Why can’t I do that during NaNo?

And excuse me while I go and cry after the ASPCA commercial (the one with Sarah McLachlan).

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Making doctors appointments

I’m so not a fan of making phone calls. I have a tendency to babble because I’m nervous. I’ve got a semi-fear of the phone. If I know who I’m talking to, I’m just fine, and I can jabber on for hours. Anything else, and I’m a shaking, quivering mess. So, right now, I’m a shaking, quivering mess because my nerves are shot.

But, the good news is that Ethan is now officially transfered to Dr. Pridgett, at Pediatric Associates, in Topeka, KS. Madison has an appointment in July, for her 5 year check-up, since we’ll be out of town in June for her birthday. Ethan has one 3 days after his third birthday, for his third year check-up. He missed his second year, as did Madi with her 3rd and 4th year, because Medicaid kept screwing with their coverage and their doctors.

Now, I’m waiting on a call back from an gynecologist that’s come highly recommended for me to see, since I’m nervous with doctors. She’s supposed to absolutely be amazing. My sister-in-law saw her until she (SIL) switched insurance providers. My mother-in-law saw her before she passed. My friend, Kristen, has seen her through 3 pregnancies, and 3 cesareans. I should be hearing back sometime tomorrow, since the phones are closed at this point.

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I made 2 appointments!!

Not a lot of people know this, but I absolutely hate making phone calls. I hate it with a PASSION!
But, I overcame that fear and made 2 appointments, and left a message to make a third!! Woo hoo!!

March 20, 2008, @ 2:30PM :: Ethan’s 3 year check-up
July 14, 2008, @ 9:00AM :: Madison’s 5 year check-up

Call left: Dr. Babin, for Sarah’s yearly check-up.
The goal of this appointment:
–} Discuss sterilization options
–} Get more birth control
–} Do I have to do it? check (;))
–} Figure out if I’m PMDD or if I’m bi-polar (which I don’t believe).

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I’m your lady

1. Put your iPod on shuffle songs
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘YOU’RE HOT’ YOU SAY?
I could not ask for more

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR LIFE?
Get out of this town

3. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Jesus take the wheel

4. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE LONG GOAL?
The hardest thing

5. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Wake
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