Daily Archives: 29 October, 2009

Early Morning Ramblings

Oh man. My brain is running with all kinds of things and thoughts. Saw a facebook update from my cousin. Who found me, and added me, and I added back (and I’m selective at that). I saw that she was a mommy, and wow, that just blew me away. I remember when she was born. I remember her mom on Christmas, and the hubbub about “whoa, she’s gonna pop soon”, and all that. She did, the next day. She and I share the same birth month. She and I was also the first girl in a slew of boys, so, it was like “Yay, girl!” And now she’s a mommy.

I haven’t seen that half of my family since 2000. May 26, 2000 to be exact. I miss them. I miss my family. I miss my Aunt Anne who took me to the Nutcracker for the first time. Who got me my first Nutcracker figuring and started that obsession (which Josh and Julie encourage, :lol:).

I miss my Aunt Barb who always made me laugh. I miss my cousin, Matt, who was just a few months older than Daniel, but seemed so much older. I miss Tim and Kaelyn, Barb’s other two children, who was always a cut-up and such a sweetie.

I feel so bad about not keeping in contact with them, but the DNA Donor screwed me up, badly. She and her husband screwed with my head so badly. I’m done with letting them do that. When I go back to Indiana this summer, I’m looking them up. I want, and need, them to meet my babies. I want to meet theirs!

I’m sitting here, in the dark, listening to some Linkin Park, and crying. Linkin Park doesn’t make me cry, for the most part. That’s how hard I’m thinking on this. I feel like a chunk of my soul and heart is missing by not having that side of my family with me.

Now, to see if a reconnection is possible.