I put in a couple applications. One was where Jamie worked. She’s dying for some help, and the jobs have been listed for awhile, so I’ve got a shot. Only bad thing is that there’s a very good chance I’d be made full-time, which would mean finding a daycare for the kids. The good news is that there is one right up the road from us, and there’s one near the hospital that’s supposed to be good (a lot of Jamie’s co-workers use it).
Josh isn’t too keen on the idea of me going back to work yet, because Madi hasn’t even started school, and the plan was for me to go back when Ethan started school. Frankly though, I’m tired of “just scrapping by”. I’m tired of feeling worthless, and pathetic, because I don’t bring in any money, and I really don’t. I’m tired of feeling like a drain on this family.
I’ve got Josh all worried about me now because the insomnia has kicked in badly. I was up at 2am, and didn’t go back to sleep until after Josh left for work (at 7am). It’s crazy and nuts, but I actually feel like I’ve got a clearer head, now that I’ve taken that big step of trying to get back into the work force.
All this talk about WAHM just isn’t for me. There’s nothing really available that I can do, without having to pay out of pocket first. No, I refuse to PAY to make money. That’s not how it works. Plus, look how that’s worked out for me now?

Mood : distressed

I need to get a job, and now. I’m tired of being a drain on this family. I need to start pulling my own weight. Sunday, that’s what we’re going to be doing. I’m going to be going around and putting in applications, and talking to managers, if possible. Something, ANYTHING.

It’s freaking 2am, and I can’t sleep. I can’t take this stress. I need to get a job, and make it easier on my family. I need to get off my ass and just do it already. It’s about time I do something with my life, anything.

I need to find something legitimate, something I can make some real money with. The graphics site? I’m not making shit with it. Never really have. $100 max, ever. I need something more reliable. Honestly? The graphics stuff is starting to feel forced. I don’t even want to do it anymore. I just want to pull out and say I’m done. The blogging? That’s my release, but even that’s not making anything anymore, because I have to wait 30 days when I need the money now.

I’ve gotten us into the big whole with my stuff, and I’ve gotta find a way to pull us out.