I hate this

I hate days like this. Days where I’m in on whether I’m pregnant or not.

It makes me think back to when I was pregnant with Ethan and , and remembering how I felt. Even at the worst of it, I felt complete. I loved . I actually didn’t mind the labor, because I knew what would come of it. Hell, I even think the pain was worth it.

I would to have another baby, though I know it would . I hate feeling like this, feeling like I’m , knowing another baby isn’t really a thing right now, but still wishing I was.

Please, someone, tell me it’s okay. I hate feeling like this. I just absolutely hate it.

ETA: I’m editing this to add that Josh and I are not expecting . What really sucks? He’s totally and completely against ever occurring. I still fluctuate, so I definitely won’t be getting fixed anytime soon. I just need to find a that works, doesn’t fuck me up, and is less for me to about.

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