I hate days like this. Days where I’m in limbo on whether I’m pregnant or not.
It makes me think back to when I was pregnant with Ethan and Madi, and remembering how I felt. Even at the worst of it, I felt complete. I loved being pregnant. I actually didn’t mind the labor, because I knew what would come of it. Hell, I even think the pain was worth it.
I would love to have another baby, though I know it would break the bank. I hate feeling like this, feeling like I’m torn in two, knowing another baby isn’t really a smart thing right now, but still wishing I was.
Please, someone, tell me it’s okay. I hate feeling like this. I just absolutely hate it.
ETA: I’m editing this to add that Josh and I are not expecting number 3. What really sucks? He’s totally and completely against number 3 ever occurring. I still fluctuate, so I definitely won’t be getting fixed anytime soon. I just need to find a birth control that works, doesn’t fuck me up, and is less for me to worry about.